Malibu Moment

did you know the ocean beats inside you?

i heard it, its sandy shores whispering
from within your chest.
it soothed me, quieted words,
as the sea spray soaked me in you-dew.

did you know this moment was all there ever was?
when you became the beach and I cuddled the cliff
of your chest.

was the sun shining?
I don't know. were we alone?
of course.

the tides within you ebb and flow,
we come and go,
sometimes choppy, sometimes
so clear, so crystal, so calm
i can see the depths

before you put your hand in
and make me ripple and it's lost again.

In Malibu, our hearts stopped.
And yet we were more alive
than ever.

Shhh....

here comes another wave
for our surfer souls.

stillness

and the trees seem to know.
the wild leaves seem tamed.
still.

even the dogs don't bark.

the dust settles.
the silence cuddles close.

a blink takes an hour
and a smile, about 3 years.

from the moment you catch me
to the moment you turn away
glowing.

The ER of I and U

The ER of I and U

no wonder I got burned

they said I was a guy magnet
they’d melt into me
they did

they never told me the pain
of the heat,
of the passion
melting
my little wax heart

especially when you tried that afternoon
to pull away
and tore the only illusion I ever thought
would stay.
my skin was soft and smooth
but lost its shine
when I needed surgery
to take
what of yours
had merged with mine

your smile
a piece of your frown
your roughened hands
you offered when I fell down
shards
of trust,

fragments of
damp-sweat and tear-wet

lust

and a tattered
tattoo
in its place.

Your heart beat firm and fast
beside mine.
Your face…
such a long, long while.
Was with me.

A final hug
And one last smile.
And the endless tug.
Of our war.


That’s why
it took
Such a long, long year
And still, today

To heal the wounds of our
Spiritual surgery.

i don't know your number

I don’t know your hands
But I know their warmth.
I don’t know your lips
But I know the words you whisper.
I don’t know your name
But I know how it sounds last at night.
I don’t know your whereabouts
But I know you passed by two days ago.
I don’t know your number.


You just stood by
And saw me ask for your number
In your eyes
I saw your caller id blocked.

You just watched
As I walked away
And cast your eyes away from the headline
We just announced
In secret
Down to the news in the morning paper
In your hand.


You just said nothing
As I wondered and wanted
And hid beneath your gray sweater hood
Roughly shaved and
Beautiful, I walked away untouched
By the shards of growth in your chin

You just shared a snapshot
Taken in the dark room of your space
Which never had time to develop
In the bright light of our next morning

But still

You just felt so good
And I touched your soul
During our nightlong conversation
And if you give me your mind
Which you did

You’ve given me all you ever could.
A piece of your heart
Unknowingly…

this morning

Your warm butter back melted
As I curled up close
And strapped my chest around you
holding the cold off.

I could barely breathe for the fumes
Of you were stronger than the scent
Of oxygen I was used to, on cold
mornings like this.

You were barely audible over the
sound of your heart
playing hop skip and
.,…jump
with mine.

I was skipping hop-scotch
With the number of times you blinked
back a thought and stifled a worry
And swallowed fear
Each time you came up for air
As I did,
then lost the desire to breathe
and we died together once more,

drowning in
the ocean
of this mornings
togetherness.

in the valley...

Your lips met mine
Where it matters
Your eyelashes fell between
My own, as we nestled
And your smell
Is something that still,
Still remains here.
Your arms wrapped round mine
Stronger than strangers
And harder than hardly anyone
Had held me before.
Your kisses were planted somewhere
In the fertile fields of my neck
In the valley where only a few are allowed
To go.
Your smile is like my own
Deep, sustained and real.
And the way you feel
Is similar.
I admire your strength, the way you talk low
And aim light, the way you sit in awkward silences
Comfortable.
We gave and took equally, and that is where my peace lies
This morning.
If dawn came sooner I could sing your praises with the birds
But I serenade your secretly in the shadows.
I carry your touch, your eyes, and I know I’ll be thinking of you
And wanting to see you again soon.
We met on an enchanted week, after the full moon
And where our Journey leads, who can tell
I thank you for the way you held me, and most of all
For leaving behind
Your smell.

bending time

How come in the last thirty
Minutes since you cradled your head
Against my neck
Did I swim in the warm ocean for 3 hours.
How did the sun rise and set
And how come we arrived back here
Late for your appointment
When we only closed our eyes for
A moment.

I can’t set my clock by us
Any longer.

Its too dangerous when you draw near
Because my heart races and my blood warms
To such a degree that the coziness of your arms
And the scent of your lips
Is just too much
My eyes begin to close
And I'm so safe,
In your so familiar arms
That I could die inside of you
Without a care.

Does this mean I love you.
And does this mean we have time
How can I be conscious with you
When all our time is spent
Trying to reach for breath
Trying to see through all this warmth

I can’t set my expectations
By us, any more.

Just promise me, that you’ll be waiting
There, when I managed to break free
And come up for air
That’s all

I can set my head down
Cradled in your neck
Til you say its time

more time

You don’t want to touch me
Til after work.
Fine.,

I’ll be paddling upstream with the boy who has less money
And more time.

late

you’re touching me through
Gold plate glass
Stroking my gloved palm
And kissing my veiled lips
Holding me close with your
Heart, caged.
Your words measured, meet my
Mind watchful, and together we somehow
Find intimacy, feigned
Hidden behind smiles
And wrapped around careful words
Aloof freedom and possessive walls
Scaled in moments of aloneness

You’re calling to me through
The thick of the night
Close, from a distance
And open, behind the doors of your crystal
Cut blue eyes.

You’re talking to me through
The stained glass tears I cry.
Seeking solace by the radiant fire
In the haven you won’t create inside yourself.

You’re wondering through
Your wandering questions and flickering gaze
Why there is no closeness here

I’m tracing my steps my steps back
Through the
Looking glass, finding the small hidden area
Of my soul where I gave up intimacy
Where I followed seeds into a maze
Not of my own making

The rabbits hole is wider this month
But I didn’t fall
The door closed too early to
And the earth fell in

Because I’m late.
Always late
To get the message

I taste you
And my soul shrinks
And I drink you
And I’m taller overlooking all my faults
Reflected in yours

I wander in this land
Through the shadows

winged messenger

I just saw a white pigeon
Pass my window
Its not a dove
but its peaceful here.
Its eating worms brought up by
The rain

woman on the cliffs

I could be her
She sits waiting over the ocean
Watching under the tide
Green blue and aqua foam
Rising, then falling
Within reach of her and then forgetting
I think she came back here tonight
To remember too
Who knows whether the dark blue above the horizon
Is really the ocean she searches
I wonder if she sees me standing
Watching her through the white waves
Smiling.
And I wonder if she remembers
My name.

at the time...

Because....

That is how I felt at the time.


Send me as much silence
As the time I ignored you
Shower me lightening
As I did when I shouted
Banish me to darkness
As I left you out for 2 cold nights alone.
Talk to me as If I am nothing
As I have locked you out from being here.
Switch off my soul
Like the light I tried to extinguish inside you.

I shall sit and feel too
Just how bad I was to you

I don’t mind

Banish me, hurt me
Make me suffer for all I said and did

And I shall bravely take it all
Why?

Because I would not change a thing.

Why are you leaving me
And telling me with such cold indifference

Allow me the same right as I allow you

It was how you and I felt at that time.

I thought I'd find you there

I thought id find you there
Within the curled up wire and rustic void
Before me, but you did not come
And I do not know if I should now avoid
This empty room, this naked place
Where I cannot feel your presence,
Even see your face; I come each night
But I leave still hoping, more if more might
I wonder if you wonder too
If you sit and wait and question what the others do.
I cannot stop, I will not cease to find you
In this empty city heart there’ll be no peace
Here, no place to start, if the darkness blows
Your name this way, but nothing else
Just rain clouds gray skies, that is all
Hope that will not die, although its about to fall
And broken still I will not go, until I see
Your faithful beauty in haunting glow
Before me for I do not lie
Ive sat here waiting, ask me why
I do not know, I know not where
I came here tonight because I thought
I’d find you there.

remini-scents

I know you’re a hologram
Wearing a different smile
And clean blue eyes
But that doesn’t make it any easier
To leave you behind.
I know you reflect my own fear
But on this time-line yours are just
Too hard to bear, and I'm too sorry-soft.

I miss your arms the most,
The way you make a veggie burger
In whole wheat toast
How u curl up behind me
When I haven’t even asked to be held
And I miss the way you felt
The warmth.

And I miss the way you smelled.