Katie

Katie

I opened my wallet the other day

and found your photograph inside

the innermost pocket.

You, with your very-red lips

And eyes that want to play

at Discover

I cannot believe you died.

I cannot believe

You left, without us being friends again.

Though, I hope you know

That as you lay in your coma-bed

I was with you.

… by your side…

Whispering to you

And gently stroking your head.

I cannot believe

Someone hurt you like they said in the papers

That you were left, bruised and battered

In a bath

And how you were tied up

And burnt with cigarettes

Who would want to hurt that face

That was so open to crying

How could they let you walk free

Knowing you were dying.

Your mother tells me

You listened to Riverdance in your last few days…

.. because it was the only thing

that didn’t hurt your head…

And then,

a few days later

You would give up your weekend fight

And lie dead.

I came to you, and told you, you could go

…I hope you know ?

And, lit a candle and asked you to visit me

I think you did

The candle flickered and was extinguished

and the window wasn’t even open.

I folded myself up

Behind a closed door

I didn’t know

My mother told me on the phone.

I was waiting all weekend long for news of your recovery

And she said

“Oh…She died…. She never made it”

There is a coldness a human can feel

Like you are empty

And have stones in your feet

And someone is digging in your stomach

Katie,

There are still tapes here of Love-words

You spoke to me

Do I save them, or give them to

Your parents to hear

Could they bring you back

Or when I play them,

At least

near..?

And

Most beautiful of all

is the message you left on

the back of this photograph in my wallet

“To my Darling Neil

All my fondest Love

and tender care for evermore.”

Which I don’t deserve…

How could they hurt you

?

was it meant to be

was it all planned on a soul-level

by everyone involved

including me

since you were gone, nothing has been the same.

I just hope

You left in Peace, not pain.

Everyone at school, was devastated

And it was destroying to see

that the girl who bullied you the most

who you were supposed to not get

along with at all

Was uncontrollable with grief

That, sitting in black clothes somehow didn’t

do you justice

but the funny poem your parents chose for me to read

did

You mother wore a bright purple scarf,

Did you see ?

It was beautiful !

Like you

I know,

how much pain can fill a church chapel

How hard it is to carry on in life

without knowing

‘why’

And watch a coffin carrying your friend

And having to say

Goodbye.

Did you know you were Loved

Because you were

And you are

Wherever you are now

know that.

You told me something that has remained with me

Ever since

“Love Life. Otherwise it’s just a whole pointless waste of time”.

And I told you something

and everyone else in the church that day

who was hurting inside

“Someone once said…

For someone to die completely

they need to forget, or be forgotten.

Katie will never be forgotten

Therefore, she has not died”.