Saturday, July 26, 2008

hopeful dewdrop

hopeful dewdrop


and yet id never have found that alone

place, without your solitary shoulder

to cry on, your single handed one armed combat

to rely on, and your steadfast space

and unnecessary liberation

but how soon we forget

the path is lit, so well, even behind

eyes darkened with desire,

and yesterdays death.

I smile, but I think now

its more for the irony in embrace

than this seasons nectar

the bees buzz, but its just noise

to scare the birds away, which they did

but didn’t they know it was all just play?

all just to pretend

we don’t know how

and don’t know where

to go but everywhere, and every-here.

yet still

I desire.

and I’ll find myself sitting once more

beneath the palm, so still, so tall

waiting for last nights angry rainstorm, and this mornings

hopeful dewdrop

to fall.

Losing the scent

Losing the scent


I liked your cologne

You rubbed up close

and made me breathe

so why did you ask me to buy it?

why ask me to spend money

on something you gave so freely

the first day we met.

you told me

someone back then rubbed up close

and made you breathe

don’t hold your breath

Second hand scents are fatal.

Our karmic loophole

          Our karmic loophole

          you used to listen,

          you know.

          You used to light up when I said something.

          But since the blackened clouds of your worry

          have brought out the lightening of my inner pain

          we’ve not made fires on 17th,

            - - - just ash clouds.

            [Maybe that’s why the windows need cleaning so much

          these days?]

          Why?

          when things are bad,

          you know that.

          !We breathe, we are Alive!

            many lost that, don’t have that gift

            and yet you allow yourself to squander it,

          reveling in despair

          when I am here to raise your eyes and smile at the light

                    what light???!

          The light that surrounds us, in Another’s Eyes,

          in a Place By The River.

          We can still find happiness.

          In fact -

          what’s to find?

          It’s there in everything we do.

And a frame of mind.

C.L

        C.L

        they say that Heaven is a warm fire, and Hell an icy chill.

          Well, how can that be true?

        your lips are as cold as ice, but warm me through.

        As though, from a fountain of winter’s water you have

        taken a thousand sips

        I Love you. Warm heart, warm bed,

cold lips.

sheltering from the storm

        sheltering from the storm

        warm

        beside you.

        Wind lashing up against our faces

        rain stripping our bodies of skin

        ice tearing our hearts,

        drought drying our bones

        frost eating away at our faith.

        Warm

        beside you.

        In this storm, never once did it touch

        our souls.

        We kept each other sane.

        The storm may have claimed our bodies

        but our Love was never washed away

by the rain

reality's reel

reality’s reel

        today

        slips away, it seems.

        Revisited now, only in dreams.

        Scenes on a cutting room floor

        of days gone by before.

        tomorrow

        is a moment in a card,

        in a chart, wisdom from a psychic

        to borrow.

        Scenes in pictures, in symbols deep

        found in rivers of drowning sleep.


        now

        is where we dwell

        to make a heaven out of a present hell

        where yesterday was a game we played

        without today’s wisdom, and tomorrow plans

          our grain of Truth and Love

          falls through the glass

with the other Sands.

blanket of night

        blanket of night

        I have died inside

        since you cried.

        I have nothing left to hold

        since my heart you told

        goodbye

        I am weak…..so weak.

        A winter tree with fragile branches, in a storm bleak

        so bleak.

        I am frozen, my stream can no longer flow since

        night took the sun away, and the fireflies die

        for they can no longer glow.

        Night is too long

        since you said

        so long….

        ….so long…..

        I wait. Believe blindly in a Destiny of desire

        and freedom in Fate

        I have died inside

        since you cried.

        do you..

          …miss me?

        for each night I swear,

        you come back in the shadows

        to kiss me ?

?

of Love's Lost Light

of lost Love’s light

        I await the day when he returns. His memory still burns

        like a candle that will not go out.

        For without that

        light

        I am cast

        in doubt

        of ever being Loved again in that

        same way.

        His arms are around me now, so strong so

        protective, my back is warm. My head can rest

        upon his chest, to keep me sheltered from the storm’s harms.

        The sea, the night, the stars, …the sky

        are a memory I find hard to hold.

              But I try….

        I try to dream of You as I sleep each night

        but all I seem to recall

        is the days

        l o n g

        !! fight !!

        so I must wait and dwell

        …on your sweet touch and soulful smell

        which I find in the rain

        so I sit in the showers that pour outside

      again

…..and again…..

our time

        our time

        I stop to wonder where you are often and though the

        days events and the music playing, may fade,

        your eyes

        never soften.

        Still sharp, yet pillow mallow,

        I still drown although the water’s shallow.

        A chance encounter?

        Of lust and greed that never would be fulfilled, as though we had agreed.

        On its fate, and now I am left to wait.

        I saw a piece of you there. My SoulMate. Maybe you came to see if I still wait.

        Oh I shall, I shall - for you

            are all that matters now

        my whole life hangs on us. Meeting you.

                To again regain that rainbow shade of turquoise blue and moonlight silken white

        tonight

        I wonder where your eyes are

              dark circles

              rings of color…………

            ………...I do

        Love you?

        It was so short

        How do I know? We joined

          but then you had

        to

go…

Liquid

        Liquid

        I sought you, now I seek you still. Return to haunted memories

        in case you will

        be there

          a perfect moment you gave me

          I shall not allow

          you to pass me, so quietly, with shimmering eyes

          and darkened brow

        you were a piece of who I am

        and I yearn

        you had eyes so dark, yet blue with light

        my soul could only,

          in lonely,

          burn.

        I see your eyes now, each corner I turn.

            You left me

        …without a reason. So I shall not allow you to leave.

        I shall make you find me, I believe

        we shall meet again.

          This I ordain

        in this life, not some distant dream.

        and locked, our eyes will ignite

        for an eternity it may seem.

        You see I am right?

        It shall come to pass. You shouldn’t have left me

        missingyoumissingyoumissingyoumissingyoumissingyoumissingyoumissingyou

                      last

                      night.

seek and you shall find?

seek and you shall find?

        in the stillness of the pool. I seek you.

        In the quiet moon’s face. I seek your name

        and the place you now reside

        in the ocean I search amongst the shells to trace your

        whereabouts. In the changing tide.

        Did you cry? I thought last night I felt you weak.

        Or was it my failing heart, were you trying to speak?

        In the stillness of the stars

        I seek you. Somewhere between Venus peace

        and the raging wars of Mars I try to sleep.

        As in the pools reflection I see you

and sink deep.

dreamland

          dreamland

          find me there if you can!

          If you’re lucky,

          if I haven’t eaten a magic bunny and

          banished time?

          How can you find me tonight

          if there is no day?

          How can you see me in black and white

          when I’m wearing a suit in crimson gray?

          A brick wall, made of solid chocolate

          topped in mortar of cream

          is where you may find my

          phone number

          although we use telepathy here

          so just leave a message after the beep

          there’s a tree which leads down to my home

          but it’s in a forest you’ll never see

          unless you ask the tree

          the way,

          so don’t count on finding me tonight

          or any night soon.

          My freedom comes with the passing

of the sun and the birth of the moon…

Katie

      Katie


          I opened my wallet the other day

          and found your photograph inside

          the innermost pocket.

          You, with your very-red lips

          And eyes that want to play

          at Discover

          I cannot believe you died.

          I cannot believe

          You left, without us being friends again.



          Though, I hope you know

          That as you lay in your coma-bed

          I was with you.

          … by your side…

          Whispering to you

          And gently stroking your head.

        I cannot believe

          Someone hurt you like they said in the papers

          That you were left, bruised and battered

          In a bath

          And how you were tied up

          And burnt with cigarettes

          Who would want to hurt that face

          That was so open to crying

          How could they let you walk free

          Knowing you were dying.

          Your mother tells me

          You listened to Riverdance in your last few days…

          .. because it was the only thing

          that didn’t hurt your head…

          And then,

          a few days later

          You would give up your weekend fight

          And lie dead.

          I came to you, and told you, you could go

          …I hope you know ?

          And, lit a candle and asked you to visit me

          I think you did

          The candle flickered and was extinguished

          and the window wasn’t even open.

          I folded myself up

          Behind a closed door

          I didn’t know

          My mother told me on the phone.

          I was waiting all weekend long for news of your recovery

          And she said

          “Oh…She died…. She never made it”

                  There is a coldness a human can feel

          Like you are empty

          And have stones in your feet

          And someone is digging in your stomach

          Katie,

          There are still tapes here of Love-words

          You spoke to me

          Do I save them, or give them to

          Your parents to hear

          Could they bring you back

                Or when I play them,

                At least

                  near..?

        And

          Most beautiful of all

          is the message you left on

          the back of this photograph in my wallet

          “To my Darling Neil

          All my fondest Love

            and tender care for evermore.”

          Which I don’t deserve…

          How could they hurt you

?

        was it meant to be

was it all planned on a soul-level

      by everyone involved

including me

          since you were gone, nothing has been the same.

I just hope

          You left in Peace, not pain.

          Everyone at school, was devastated

          And it was destroying to see

          that the girl who bullied you the most

          who you were supposed to not get

          along with at all

          Was uncontrollable with grief

          That, sitting in black clothes somehow didn’t

          do you justice

          but the funny poem your parents chose for me to read

              did

                      You mother wore a bright purple scarf,

          Did you see ?

          It was beautiful !

          Like you

          I know,

          how much pain can fill a church chapel

          How hard it is to carry on in life

          without knowing

          ‘why’

          And watch a coffin carrying your friend

          And having to say

          Goodbye.

          Did you know you were Loved

          Because you were

          And you are

          Wherever you are now

        know that.

          You told me something that has remained with me

          Ever since

          “Love Life. Otherwise it’s just a whole pointless waste of time”.

          And I told you something

          and everyone else in the church that day

          who was hurting inside

          “Someone once said…

            For someone to die completely

          they need to forget, or be forgotten.

          Katie will never be forgotten

Therefore, she has not died”.