apnea

You’re in a sleep study clinic tonight
Testing for apnea
You know, those times when you woke you because you
Said you couldn’t breathe
symbolic id say?
My lungs are tighter with the smoke
From our fires
They’ve connected wires to you
And you said its lights out by 11
And you’re wearing the turquoise velor shirt
I brought from England, as company
When I wasn’t there.
I said I still love you, and always will
Even though you kicked me out
Screamed at me because of your pain
Hurt yourself drinking
Neglected us because you needed you
I guess id have done the same if I were you.
And the heart does what it does
Feels what it wants
I try and hold back the ebb
But end up letting it flow.
Its too much pressure to pretend
And risk regretting one day not telling you
That through it all, through the times when you put the light out
Through the moments when you did such a good job at pretending I was meaningless
The many nights you wanted to push and the days you’d be sure to pull
That I cried so much, and it hurt bad
And I wanted to prove to you I could do without anything about you
The mere mention of you, the photo of you, any memory of you
Your old street, the color of your burgundy beat up car
That I thought I saw tonight, but how could it be
Through it all
I love you.
My heart could live without you as I am learning to do
But that doesn’t mean that it wouldn’t miss you
It does, I do
But I don’t know a way yet for us to come together
Without spears or worse
Cold shields that stand so tall
They block the light out
California sun is so big, so proud
They must be vast, our defenses
For such brightness to shroud.